Juggling Back to School Jitters

Summer has flown by. And, whether children are getting ready to attend school for the first time or returning to school, many kids may experience anxious feelings. School anxiety is more common in children entering pre-kindergarten or kindergarten and those advancing to middle school or high school. When children are nervous, many parents find themselves worrying as well. If returning to school can be turned into a positive experience, the degree of anxiety for both parent and child may be minimized.

Why do children worry? They worry about things that may seem trivial to adults. Children worry about who their teacher will be, if they will be in a class with friends, if their clothes will be okay, who they will sit with at lunch, if they will struggle with the schoolwork, etc. Children who have been with their parents all summer may worry that something will happen to a parent while the child is at school. The list goes on and on. Even though many of these items may seem unrealistic to parents, it is important to understand a child’s concern.

If a child is experiencing back-to-school worries, parents can help. A parent should explain that it’s normal to have concerns, and ask the child what makes him or her worry. A common response to hearing a concern is, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.” It is better to avoid giving excessive reassurance, and instead help the child solve the problem. The parent and child have the opportunity to discuss different situations. For example, a child is worried about not having a friend to sit with at lunch. A parent might be tempted to say, “Don’t worry, you will find someone to sit with.” Instead, the parent could say, “If you don’t have anyone to sit with, what could you do?” This allows for the child to determine how he or she might approach a new friend to join for lunch. Many concerns could be handled with creative role-play between the child and parent.

Even though children may experience anxious feelings this time of year, it’s very important that parents ensure they attend school. Allowing children to stay home reinforces fears and makes it more difficult to attend. When a child stays home from school, he or she misses important opportunities. Not only does the child miss out on classroom lessons, but he or she also misses out on networking with friends and chances to be acknowledged by the teacher for his or her hard work. When anxious children attend school, they are able to gather evidence that challenges their unrealistic fears.

Once a child’s concerns are addressed, parents can start preparing for the first day of school one to two weeks early. The school-day routine should not start the day before school. Children should start going to bed early and getting up earlier at least one week before school starts. To increase enthusiasm for school, families can create a supply list and have a fun shopping trip. Children can review the cafeteria menu for the first week and decide when to take lunch and when to eat at school. If the child always eats at school, a parent can allow the child to make the supper menu for the first week of school. A couple of days before school, parents can take the child to campus to walk around outside, review the drop-off area, meet the teacher and, if possible, tour the school. Children of all ages may enjoy picking out their school clothes and parents should let the child choose his or her favorite clothes for the first day.

During the first week of school, parents should remember to redirect the attention from worrying, and focus on the positives. Asking the child to describe one thing he or she is excited about may help the child look forward to the day. As a parent says goodbye, he or she should say it once and cheerfully. Parents worry too, but comfortable, confident parents help to reassure children. At the end of each day, discussing the positive aspects of school should be a priority. Families should also readdress any concerns and continue to problem-solve.

Back-to-school anxiety exists and affects children and parents. With good communication, these feelings can be managed. School years should be fun and exciting for children, and parents and teachers are helping to pave the way for future achievement in life. Helping a child deal with anxiety now will positively impact his or her future success.

Lesley Motheral, M.D., is a pediatrician at Texas Tech Physicians — Pediatrics and assistant professor in the Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center School of Medicine’s Department of Pediatrics.